


Tangled In My Heart

by Sholeh675 (Solange956)



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, BDSM, Dom/sub, Flogging, Getting Together, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, Masochism, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Pre-Relationship, Religious Content, Safe Sane and Consensual, Safeword Use, Self-Harm, Subspace, religious inaccuracy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:00:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29544135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solange956/pseuds/Sholeh675
Summary: It took Nicolò weeks to broach the subject, weeks of conversations that stopped abruptly, weeks of confusion and frustration for both of them. Until one night, under the light of the stars as they were traveling to Alexandria, he finally managed to say the words.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 56
Kudos: 248
Collections: D/s JoeNicky Event, Start Reading





	1. By the Light of the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to my first attempt at writing historical fic AND bdsm XD
> 
> So, to start off with, I am not a historian, in the kink scene, or religious, so please excuse any inaccuracies you will probably find. If something is especially egregious, please feel free to let me know in the comments or you can DM/ask me on tumblr. 
> 
> Additionally, I've read quite a bit now about BDSM and Islam (my recommended searches will probably be interesting for a while...) and I was pleasantly surprised to find that safe, sane and consensual bdsm that does not break the skin is actually acceptable- though I discovered this information using the internet and through several sex guides meant for newly married couples, so I suppose everyone should take that advice with a grain of salt... 
> 
> This fic was inspired by thespectaclesofthor's fic [Stuck on the Puzzle.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5269628/chapters/12159332). It was written for Dragon Age: Inquisition and I can't recommend it highly enough. Please give it a try if you're familiar with the game, don't mind the pairing Cullen/Iron Bull, and you're interested in BDSM. The author wrote a completed 200k+ masterpiece and my fic here is but a pale shadow in comparison.

He’d seen Yusuf with a young man a few weeks ago, completely by accident, but it had stayed at the forefront of his mind ever since. Despite the similarities, it had been nothing like the self-flagellation he had relied on during his time in the Church. The act of mortifying the flesh with a knotted rope, or performing some other act of penance, had always been a comfort to him. It had made him feel closer to their Savior, to His suffering.

Sometimes one of the other priests would assist him when he needed it and that had always helped him the most. The complete loss of control, the sweet agony of pain, it never failed to give him peace. Now, fourteen years after meeting Yusuf, his need for that peace was overwhelming.

He had learned quickly that trying to perform the act as they traveled together was next to impossible. Yusuf had been horrified when he asked why Nicolò had begun tying knots into a length of rope. That was a lecture he remembered well, the vehement disapproval of self-harm was a strong belief of Yusuf’s, even if the wounds would not remain.

“Think of this rationally. What if someone comes upon you by surprise and they see your wounds heal,” Yusuf argued, the passion brightening his eyes and raising a flush of color to his cheeks. “Must you do this? Really?”

“No,” Nicolò had said, looking down at the rope. “I… no, you’re right.”

After that, Nicolò never brought it up again. He did his best with what he had, though he never attempted to make another knotted rope for himself. He would sometimes put stones in his boots or sleep on the floor when they stayed at an inn. Yusuf looked at him oddly every time, but shook his head, willing to let Nicolò do as he pleased.

But after a decade and more of traveling together, Nicolò was desperate for that unique floating state, the one that never failed to come after a session with one of his brothers. He felt erratic, unmoored, unfocused. And if he was being completely honest with himself, it was a desire separate from his devotion. It was selfish, but he wanted it, wanted the peace and the complete ascension of the senses.

That was why, when he’d opened the door to their room and caught sight of Yusuf flogging a young man through the crack, he’d been startled and concerned at first. But as he continued to watch, he’d noticed how the other man had cried out for more, had seen the gentle expression on Yusuf’s face as he controlled the speed and strength of the flogging. It was careful, precise, and the more he looked, the more he realized it was completely different from the public floggings they sometimes witnessed.

This was a private act, arranged by the two men for whatever reason. After a moment, once he’d torn his eyes away from the flex of Yusuf’s muscles and the beads of sweat dotting his forehead, he realized he was intruding. Nicolò quietly shut the door and headed back to the marketplace. He had originally said he would be there for the whole afternoon, but he hadn’t liked the prices and had returned early. He would take a long walk and leave Yusuf to it.

After that, it had been difficult to act clueless, to act as if he had no idea what Yusuf looked like with a flogger in his hand and an expression of authority on his gentle face. His mind returned again and again to the absolute power his friend had had over the other man.

Nicolò hated to admit it, even to himself…but he wanted that. He wanted to bare himself to Yusuf, to hand over his control, his trust, his…

Nicolò shook his head. Lately he’d been thinking about Yusuf in more ways than one, ways that he didn’t want to confront. But this would be different, separate from the rest. If he wasn’t allowed to do it to himself, perhaps he could talk to Yusuf, convince him of his needs.

It took Nicolò weeks to broach the subject, weeks of conversations that stopped abruptly, weeks of confusion and frustration for both Yusuf and Nicolò. Until one night, under the light of the stars as they were traveling to Alexandria, he finally managed to say the words.

“Yusuf…” Nicolò began, not for the first time that day. He felt Yusuf stiffen more than he saw it, only his companion’s silhouette was visible under the dim light of the moon and stars. The inky dark cocooned them as they sat in their camp, only a small distance from the road, and Nicolò thought he could find the courage to tell him now…

“Yes, Nicolò?” Yusuf encouraged cautiously. The man reached out blindly in the dark, grasping for his hand.

Nicolò reached out too, catching Yusuf’s hand in his own. He felt the sword and pen callouses catch against his, felt the heat of his friend’s hand, and he knew in his heart that it was time to tell him.

“I… I saw you… with that man,” Nicolò confessed, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. “When… ah, when you were…”

“Oh,” Yusuf said, his voice a quiet sigh as his hand tightened around Nicolò’s, a sudden spasm of surprise. “I thought you were at the market.”

“I was,” Nicolò said quickly, trying to reassure him, hoping that he hadn’t made a mistake. “I came back early, and I saw.”

“Is that why you’ve been acting so strangely?” Yusuf asked thoughtfully. “My friend, I hope you don’t think less of me now.”

“No, no,” Nicolò said in a rush of breath. “I- no, I think the world of you, Yusuf. I just- well, I wanted to tell you that I saw, and… and I wanted to, well, to ask you…”

Nicolò trailed off, not sure how to voice his desires. Yusuf waited patiently, the dry heat of his palm reassuring him, giving him the strength to continue.

“What you did to that man,” Nicolò found his words after a moment. “Would you do that to me?”

He felt Yusuf’s surprise, the utter stillness of his figure beside him as he processed his words, but his hand was still wrapped tightly around Nicolò's own, and it gave him hope.

“Why?” Yusuf asked him after a very long moment. So much time had passed that Nicolò imagined the waning crescent moon had risen higher in the night sky.

“I…” Nicolò wasn’t quite sure how to explain it. “I used to do something similar… before everything. There was religious purpose to it, suffering as our Savior once suffered for us. However, I always… it was always more to me. It was about more than devotion; it was about serenity.”

Yusuf said nothing, letting Nicolò order his thoughts, giving him the space he needed to continue and in that stretch of time, Nicolò realized he loved this man, loved him with all his heart.

“When I saw you the other day,” Nicolò continued. “When I realized that you might… that you might be open to…something like that, I knew I had to ask.”

“So…” Yusuf began slowly, mulling over his words carefully. “You want me to do to you what I did to Hamid?”

“Yes,” Nicolò said, feeling relieved. Surely Yusuf would have outright told him no if he was truly opposed to the idea.

“And… this is for religious purposes?” Yusuf asked, doubt creeping into his voice.

“No,” Nicolò admitted. “It’s… well, this would be for me.”

“I see,” Yusuf said. “I will not break the skin, Nicolò. And... this is not about suffering, not to me. I can’t do that to you, even in part.”

“No, I want-” Nicolò broke off, feeling a crawling heat work its way to his cheeks and he was thankful to the night for shielding him. “I want what you were doing. I want that.”

“…okay,” Yusuf said after a few moments longer, Nicolò’s heart in his throat as Yusuf made him wait. “Then I will take care of it when we arrive in Alexandria. But Nicolò, if we do this, I will expect you to follow my instructions, to respect my decisions completely.”

“Of course,” Nicolò quickly agreed.

“And,” Yusuf continued as if he had not heard him. “I will give you my respect in return, and you will tell me everything you need from me, nothing omitted. We cannot do this if there is no trust or communication.”

“I do trust you,” Nicolò insisted, still gripping Yusuf’s hand tightly in his own.

He could practically feel the smile on Yusuf’s lips, and he couldn't help but smile in return.

It was almost too good to be true. But true it was, and after arriving in Alexandria, when they found decent work and acquired their own small private home, Yusuf had started his preparations.

It took many discussions, more than Nicolò thought were necessary, having said all he needed to under the light of the stars. But Yusuf was persistent, asking him what he had done before with others, what he had done himself, what watchwords he had used, how he had been cared for afterward. It was enough to make his head spin, and he’d been embarrassed to admit that he didn’t know what Yusuf meant by watchwords or why he needed to be cared for after they were done.

Yusuf seemed to have expected it though, nodding to himself as he explained. A watchword was a bond of trust between them, and Yusuf would stop if Nicolò used it, no matter the reason or what they were doing.

“Why can I not just say stop?” Nicolò asked, confused about the need for a special word.

Yusuf shrugged, “Sometimes you say stop, but you might not mean it. Or perhaps you mean to stop only for a moment. The watchword will mean a complete and unambiguous end. I expect you to use it, Nicolò, if you feel even the slightest need for it. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“But you can’t hurt me,” Nicolò said with a frown. “Not permanently anyway.”

“There are other ways to hurt people,” Yusuf sighed. “Please, for me. I won’t do this without one.”

Nicolò choose ‘Moon’ for his watchword after some thought, happy and relieved that Yusuf had accepted it with a short nod. It had taken less explanation for Nicolò to accept aftercare however. He thought it sounded pleasant, though vastly different from what he had done with his fellow priests.

“What will you do?” Nicolò asked curiously.

“Take care of you,” Yusuf said firmly. “Whatever you need from me: food, water, touch.”

Nicolò thought for a moment before nodding. He couldn’t deny he wanted it; beyond what arrangement they were forming here. His heart throbbed at the image of Yusuf feeding him dates or petting his hair, and he was struck by the sudden desire for Yusuf to do that, and only that, for him. He shook his head and dismissed the idea quickly. That would only happen because of the flogging, not because Yusuf wanted to take care of him.

This would have to be enough. 


	2. Edge of Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yusuf makes some preparations, and Nicolò finally gets the flogging he deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely feedback on the first chapter! Please enjoy the next one ;D

After their conversation, Yusuf set out to acquire just the right flogger, and after a week he managed to find one made of beautiful dark brown leather. The tails were supple to the touch and the handle fit perfectly in Yusuf’s palm. Nicolò was mesmerized as he watched the lazy flick of Yusuf’s wrist, felt the low thrum of the tails cutting through the air.

“I’ve never been flogged before,” Nicolò said softly, his eyes locked onto Yusuf’s forearm, the muscles straining visibly as his companion continued his test.

“I think you might enjoy the experience,” Yusuf said, looking at Nicolò out of the corner of his eye, considering. “Though if you don’t….”

“Moon,” Nicolò recited dutifully. He felt a glow of warmth in his chest grow brighter as Yusuf smiled.

“Good,” Yusuf said, after a few more practice swings he laid the flogger down onto their rickety wooden table. “I fear that since you’ve only used rope in the past, this might overwhelm you.”

“I’ve been lashed before,” Nicolò reminded him with a frown, thinking back to his boyhood punishments.

“Not the same,” Yusuf said with a shake of his head. “So... shall we do this tonight?”

“Yes,” Nicolò said, trying not to sound too eager but from the twitch of Yusuf’s mouth, he’d been unsuccessful.

It was difficult to focus for the rest of the day. Nicolò was distracted when he went to the marketplace and was nearly swindled several times trying to buy food for dinner. He was distracted when he did odd jobs for the local fabric merchant, nearly dropping several bolts of expensive and shiny silk into the street at one point. He was distracted when Yusuf sang as he did the washing, Nicolò barely managing to chop meat and vegetables for their stew without injuring himself.

After they were done eating and cleaning up, Nicolò was so tense with anticipation that when Yusuf touched the skin on the back of his neck, he startled and nearly fell to the floor.

“Nicolò,” Yusuf said with a frown, clearly taken aback by his reaction. “We don’t have to do this right now…”

“No!” Nicolò protested, his panicking at the suggestion. He wouldn’t survive another _hour_ of waiting; a day was unthinkable. “I’m just…"

Yusuf chuckled, his eyes bright as he brushed his thumb against the short hair on Nicolò’s neck, forcing an involuntary shudder to roll through him.

“I see,” he said softly, his dark brown eyes drinking Nicolò in. “Take your shirt off for me then.”

“Yes,” Nicolò said, jolting into action as he grabbed the ends of his worn tunic, only used for house wear now, and pulled it over his head. He shivered a little, the night air was mild but still cool against his skin.

Yusuf’s eyes raked over his form slowly, deliberately, and Nicolò felt as if he was being picked apart. As if Yusuf could see into his very soul and it made him shiver with desire instead of cold.

“Here,” Yusuf said as he pulled out one of their crude wooden chairs from under their table. “Straddle the chair for me, Nicolò.”

Nicolò nodded and immediately threw a leg over the seat, pressing up against the backrest until the unpolished wood brushed against the sensitive skin of his nipples. He held back a moan at the feeling, the abrasive surface prickling him just right. He swallowed the sound though, not wanting Yusuf to think him too strange. It was enough that he had asked Yusuf to flog him.

“Good boy,” Yusuf said with a smile in his voice. He patted Nicolò’s back, his fingers burning through Nicolò, the skin still tingling even after Yusuf had moved away.

A clatter on the other side of the room told Nicolò that Yusuf had taken the flogger out of the box he’d managed to find that morning.

“Here we go,” Yusuf said, and Nicolò’s breath caught in his chest when he heard the low thrum of the tails whipping through the air. “Give me your watchword, Nicolò.”

“Moon,” he said quickly, breathless with anticipation.

“And you promise to use it for me,” Yusuf pressed, his hand on Nicolò’s shoulder now, turning him back to look him in the eyes.

“Yes,” Nicolò promised solemnly. He didn’t think it would get to that point, but he would do it if he needed to. For Yusuf.

“Good,” Yusuf said with an approving nod. “Now, I am going to strike you three times to start.”

“Okay,” Nicolò nodded, a little bemused by the warning, but settling back against the chair, his face locked on the craggy wall of their living space.

“What’s your word, Nicolò?” Yusuf asked, the tails of the flogger thrumming in the air, Nicolò’s hair was standing on end with anticipation.

“Moon,” he said weakly.

“Very good,” Yusuf said in reply. Then there was a sharp crack in the air and Nicolò’s world exploded, all his senses coming alive and igniting as the tails struck the soft skin of his back. 

It was different from the rope or the lash, Yusuf had been right about that. Instead of a concentrated point of pain, an entire swatch of skin was burning, blocking out all thought, all other feelings, until there was only himself, his anticipation, and Yusuf.

When Nicolò realized Yusuf was waiting for him to say something, he croaked, “More.” And Yusuf delivered. The heavy crack of leather against skin hit his ears once, twice, and he gasped, breathing ragged as he tried, in vain, to focus.

“Your word?” Yusuf asked sternly. Nicolò was confused, panting, _why had Yusuf stopped?_

“No,” Nicolò said after a moment, after he had managed to gather his scattered thoughts. Yusuf hummed in response, the soft sound of the tails still flicking slowly through the air. Nicolò shivered in anticipation and felt like crying when he realized the ache in his back was draining away, leaving perfectly unblemished and unbruised skin behind.

“Please,” Nicolò whispered, frustrated that Yusuf would deny him in his moment of need, when he was so close to what he wanted, what he needed most.

“I have you, habibi,” Yusuf said.

The flogger whipped through the air, striking Nicolò across the back before he had time to respond, and he was left gasping, clutching at the rough wood, his fingers digging tightly into the seat below him.

This time, Yusuf didn’t pause, one strike after another crashed against Nicolò’s bare skin, the pain thundering through him, building slowly and utterly inescapable. His skin stung from the crack of the leather tails, but a deep ache was setting into his muscles. If Nicolò was still capable of it, he was sure that an impressive bruise would be forming underneath his skin.

It took a while for Nicolò to notice that Yusuf had stopped, his body still moving with the heavy rhythm of the blows.

“Hmm, this might be more difficult than I thought,” Yusuf said softly, almost to himself. “I cannot layer the pain as I usually would, not with your healing… how do you feel?”

“Raw,” Nicolò admitted. The skin was healing yes, but it tingled, the memory of the blows bright in his mind, despite the determination of his body to forget. “It’s not like before… before we received our gift, but… it’s not completely different.”

“Interesting,” Yusuf said, and he reached out a hand to press his hand between Nicolò’s shoulder blades.

It didn’t hurt as much as it had before, but Nicolò gasped. The ache lingered, and he chased the sensation, hoping that Yusuf would give him more. He was just on the edge of what he needed; almost there, but not quite.

“Please,” Nicolò said, turning his head to look up into Yusuf’s eyes. They were wide, dark, and shining, gazing at Nicolò in wonder, as if he was a gift. “I can take more, please."

“You can, can’t you?” Yusuf muttered to himself. He picked up the flogger again, the tails brushing against the floor with a soft whisper. Nicolò faced forward, leaning against the chair as he left himself exposed and vulnerable, hoping against all hope that Yusuf could give him what he needed.

_Crack!_

Nicolò gasped as Yusuf hit him harder, faster than he had before, a hot flame erupting across his skin. Yusuf didn’t rest for a moment, stoking the flames higher and higher as the tails cracked against Nicolò’s back, covering every displayed bit of skin. Nicolò gasped, his voice weak as he called out to Yusuf, or possibly crying out for more, he hardly knew.

He couldn’t think, he could barely breathe, all he could do was let go, bare his soul, and fall away. His mind drifted, giving way with every blow until finally he was beyond pain. His body was no longer important; there was only Yusuf guiding him deeper and deeper until… until…..

Nicolò gasped, feeling a connection to his body again as fingers ran through his hair, scratching at his scalp. Heat pressed up against his back. The pain was gone, but the pleasure remained, and Nicolò shivered at Yusuf’s touch.

“With me again, habibi?” Yusuf’s voice found him in the dark, a faint echo in the corners of his mind, but it reached him.

“…yes,” Nicolò said hoarsely, surprising himself with how rough and dry his throat was.

Yusuf chuckled as he continued petting Nicolò’s hair, making him moan and press back against his warmth.

“Let’s get you to the bed,” Yusuf said softy, picking up Nicolò’s lifeless arm and throwing it over his shoulders.

Nicolò was next to useless, physically unharmed but high on the pleasurable aftereffects of the session. Yusuf was able to maneuver him into the bedroom easily enough and a thought flickered through Nicolò’s mind, how Yusuf must be used to lugging men of his size around after he had beaten them into submission.

 _I hope he only does this with me now_ , Nicolò thought with a frown, picking up his feet and helping Yusuf for the last leg of the journey.

“I’ll be back,” Yusuf told him as he settled him down onto the bed, a reassuring hand patted his stomach before leaving and Nicolò hummed, closing his eyes as he relaxed against their scratchy sheets.

He must have dozed as Nicolò was surprised when it seemed that Yusuf had returned in an instant, his gentle hands picking him up and propping him up against the wall. A pillow cushioned his lower back, and Nicolò shifted to get more comfortable.

“Can you drink some water for me, Nicolò?” Yusuf asked as he crawled into bed next to him.

Nicolò leaned against Yusuf’s shoulder, nodding weakly as he nuzzled his companion’s neck. He grumbled as Yusuf began to chuckle, the movement of his chest and shoulders jostling him uncomfortably.

“Here,” Yusuf said, and he placed the end of the waterskin to Nicolò’s lips. He drank, reluctantly at first, but more quickly once he remembered how dry his throat was. Yusuf had to stop him from choking. “Easy now…”

Once Nicolò had drank his fill, Yusuf pulled the waterskin away and pressed a dried date to his lips instead. Nicolò laughed, turning his head to look up into Yusuf’s warm, smiling face.

“Eat, habibi,” Yusuf urged him and Nicolò opened his mouth obediently, the sweet taste of the date exploding on his tongue and he had to force down a moan. “You’ve been so good for me, Nicolò. So perfect.”

Nicolò flushed red, chewed on his date, and looked down the length of their entwined bodies so that he didn’t have to meet Yusuf’s soft brown gaze.

“How do you feel?” Yusuf urged, his hand turning Nicolò’s face up to meet his.

“Good,” Nicolò answered honestly, hypnotized by the other man’s heat, his touch, his attention. It was more than he thought he would ever have, and even in his wildest imaginings, he never thought it would feel like this.

“I’m glad,” Yusuf said, his thumb brushing thoughtfully against the high curve of Nicolò’s cheek bone.

Nicolò swallowed his date, and licked his lips, and watched with fascination as Yusuf’s eyes locked onto his mouth.

“Nicolò…” Yusuf said softly, glancing helplessly from his eyes to his lips, then to his eyes again.

“Yes,” was all Nicolò said before he rose up to press a soft kiss to his lover’s lips, a flash of warmth heating him from the inside out. Yusuf groaned, melting against him as the soft curls of his beard brushed up against Nicolò’s clean-shaven cheeks, making him shiver with desire.

“Yusuf,” Nicolò sighed as they parted. “I…”

“I’m sorry,” Yusuf said in a rush, and Nicolò pulled back, feeling confused.

“What?” Nicolò said sharply. "What's wrong?"

“I… you’re not in the right state of mind, not right now,” Yusuf said, a frown wrinkling his forehead as he looked off into the distance, this time refusing to meet Nicolò’s eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Did you…” Nicolò began, placing a hand hesitantly on Yusuf’s cheek. “Did you not want to?”

“Of course, I wanted to,” Yusuf said firmly, finally turning his head back to Nicolò, alarm now painted over his features. Nicolò was just happy that he was no longer frowning.

“I’ve wanted the same,” Nicolò confessed, his voice soft and secret. “For longer than I would like to admit.”

“Oh,” Yusuf sighed, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Then I… must look very foolish right now.”

“No, I think you look very handsome,” Nicolò corrected him. “But kiss me again and I’ll forgive you for the rest.”

Yusuf laughed more fully this time, shaking Nicolò with the force of it, but as Yusuf leaned down to fulfill his demand, he couldn’t bring himself to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha, hope you enjoyed some soft boi flogging and getting together <3

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate any kudos, lovely comments or anyone who just enjoyed the story. <3
> 
> If you want you can say hi to me on tumblr @ [sholeh675](https://sholeh675.tumblr.com).


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